a - 2/8/25

i cant stop starting videogames and then not finishing them i neeed those adhd pills but im scared of medicine and a lot of things in general my brain is kind of slop and i just kinda talk to myfriends on discord for hours upon hours lke for example like yesterday i stayed up until 12 am!!!!!!!!!! talking to my nekoweb friends theyre just way too cool and entertaining and i love them but i am NEVER or BAREYL productive ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh and i started studio system guardian angel today and its scary as shit (tm bought me it:3) and it is VERY COOL but scary as fuck but going to continue it and my life has been kind of weird recently there are many things that i think are going to change soon lol also cant stp drawing koishi and satori but cannot put anything worthy on here sadly. also just started getting sad crying again for reasons I cannot say did you know that mongolia is the most sparsely populated country and that kiviak is awesomne and i want to ttry salmiak and i would never try balut ever sorry filipinos. italians went off with maggot cheese please break the norm but id never try that. i would only try salmiak even if it burns off my tongue. surstromming looks nasty. today i continued to rot in my room and talk to my friends on discord for anotehr 50 hours. i have the worst blog of all time. i want to go to mongolia and lay in the steppe and let the earth consume me because i hate myself when things ive been used to for a long time change drastically ................. i want to reread when they cry series a lot but i dont have a spare 500 hours to waste that can fit in with all the other shit i do (like talk to friends on discord) did you know giant peruvian inca corn

surrealism - 1/18/25

copy and pasted from my twitter

ever since i was little i've been obsessed with the surreal and unknown, i love unexplainable things in fiction and open ended stories and i really hope to make my own one day. in 2016 i was obsessed with monument valley and that probably altered my brain chemistry for the rest of forever (game about a forgiveness seeking princess navigating impossible geometry) though in 2017-2019 i was obsessed with kids cartoons however never the 'realistic' ones, stuff like gumball + adventure time where theres still surreal elements in a way? and moomin but i guess it was the somewhat surreal aspect of a non-humanlike world i lost myself in. i've had a lot of interests that aren't exactly surreal actually but for the ones that are i've always loved them and held on to them (i've been a yume nikki fan since 2019) i dont like how a lot of normal people (NORMIES) hate unexplainable fiction so much like for one example, a couple weeks ago i put my history class on angel's egg muahahaha because we weren't doing anything and this one girl was like "Why is she pregnant. [i repeatedly said she's not pregnant it's an egg and it's up to interpretation] I don't understand this and i dont like it Why" which really annoyed me because people who look for answers too much in fiction immediately arent really Enjoying it they just want to know everything asap which isn't good you have to sloowly take in information and draw your own theories/conclusions when it comes to angels egg... i have serious problems with being able to finish stuff so i haven't been able to watch much of david lynch works but especially after his passing i would like to finish twin peaks, people like him are incredibly rare in this media climate of today. people don't want to be sincere and send a passionate message or idea anymore most of them just want to make money and make the audience laugh or entertained instead of thinking more deeply about topics and truly appreciating art.

christmas - 12/25/24

look at my digital christmas gifts now!!!!!!!!

they are from my friends medjed and finesse...!!! i am very happy.... besides these for gifts, from my family i got so much money its insane but my favorite gifts i got were probably:

with the new money i got i bought stuff for cosplay....

subahibi - 12/21/24

oh my god i finished rereading subahibi just now after putting off rereading it since i first read it in 2022, and oumajgaddddddd this is actually one of the best vns ive EVER read still... i really didn't appreciate it enough in 2022 so my mouth is kinda just hanging open by how blown away i am and im shaking a bit... the themes were extremely inspirational, i like the philosophy talk and think its interesting, i really like the characters (especially my wife ayana), i love the character designs, the overall messages it gives is incredibly amazing and i really like how the author, sca-ji, inserts so much of his thoughts and opinions into the work directly and its just so awesome... my favorite character is ayana and its been her for quite a while, but after rereading, my love for her as a character has amplified ... wow........................... and to contrast suba ayana with tsuire ayana, i think both of them are very very good and interesting but tsuire ayana is explored more, however that doesn't mean i will like suba ayana less of course. i am definitely going to cosplay ayana to anime boston, muahaha... and will make a subahibi/tsuire shrine soon as well...!!! after finishing this vn again, i am so much more inspired and motivated...

anime boston - 12/20/24

i am very sorry this blog has been so suck recently lol... i want to stop venting so much when i try to think of stuff to write about. it's really cringe and i might purge the previous posts soon... anyways getting to what i was actually going to write about, i am going to go to anime boston next year, in may 2025. i think that this convention is really really good, and i like it a lot... i've been going every year since 2022. i would've been going much earlier but the pandemic happened unfortunately. i kind of wish i was able to experience pre-pandemic anime conventions, because the vibes seemed so much different before 2020. anime cons in general looked more genuine, and today there are many big conventions full of slop. but anime boston, in my opinion, isn't as bad as others. but take this with a grain of salt as the only anime con i've been to is anime boston lol. i've just heard from many others that cons like anime expo and anime nyc are full of slop sadly... yet anime boston feels realer if that makes sense. maybe i'm just looking at it with rose colored glasses since it's my local con. next year, i hope to cosplay koishi komeiji and ayana otonashi to it. one of my friends on twitter/discord is going to run an eroge panel, so i'm looking forward to that quite a bit...! additionally i am REALLY hoping i'll meet up with any online friend to walk around with because i don't have any irl friends that would be okay with me cosplaying from an eroge, probably... i mean i do have one peer at school that doesn't care about that kind of thing, however i think he is kind of annoying and we don't share any interests.

identity - 12/19/24

its been redacted

die die just die - 12/10/24

its been redacted

sewing process - 11/24/24

in preparation for making my koishi cosplay, i've been working on a collared capelet to practice... or at least trying to... i got a sewing machine for my birthday, cut out the pattern, and stitched it together, but my stitches are always extremely loose and/or tight and it doesn't look good, among other problems... i was trying to figure out the sewing machine for hours, trying everything, but couldn't do it.. i'll have to ask for more help today -_-

my first blog post(not really) - 11/11/2024

i've been working on this new version of my website for 3 days straight now, and although i am writing this before my site is open again, i am very proud of the work i have accomplished thus far, i might even say the most recent pages have been my best web design work ever..!! unfortunately this cannot distract from how my life has been so sucks and i am very depressed, i wish i could talk about it in detail a bit but its all really personal stuff ...

although im so hollow i am glad i am able to work on my site again.... getting ideas for things actually saves me from doing absolutely nothing lolll more people who are really depressed should force themselves to pick up hobbies because then you are both doing something worthwhile AND something to distract from the tormenting thoughts....